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There’s a man who has such big feet that when it rains, he lies down and uses them as umbrellas.
“ I snored so much and so loud that I used to wake myself up” a man told his friend.
“ What did you do about it?” his friend asked.
“ Oh,” the man said, “ now I sleep in the next room and I don’t hear a thing.”
last winter, the cow caught such a bad cold that she gave ice cream instead of milk.
On day, a man was riding a horse when he passed a dog on the road. “Good morning,” the dog said.
“I didn’t know dogs could talk,” the man said.
“Neither did I,” the horse said.
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."
TEACHER : Now, Simon,tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher
There’s a man who has such big feet that when it rains,
he lies down and uses them as umbrellas.
******************************
“ I snored so much and so loud that I used to wake myself up” a man told his friend.
“ What did you do about it?” his friend asked.
“ Oh,” the man said, “ now I sleep in the next room and I don’t hear a thing.”
*********************************
last winter, the cow caught such a bad cold that she gave ice cream instead of milk.
***************************************
On day, a man was riding a horse when he passed a dog on the road.
“Good morning,” the dog said.
“I didn’t know dogs could talk,” the man said.
“Neither did I,” the horse said.
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the interstate.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.
They're asking $100 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
The man replied
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
______
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.
______
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
______
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?
______
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet
______
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up
my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
______
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT
YOU A FORTUNE"
______
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrow! ed it. He wants to scare his parents."
______
Interviewer to Milionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married
her?"
Millionaire: " Billionaire"
______
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face
or my body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour.
